Today is my 40th birthday. I have already been feeling a shift towards a new moment in my life with new goals and dreams and challenges. Like rings of a tree, even the years where challenge after challenge comes up, I still felt the expansive growth and wisdom of each year that passes. It can be hard to remember back to different moments in time or imagine what the future might hold, so I thought it would be interesting to ask various people I know who just entered or are about to enter a new decade of life about their joys and challenges. Though this is obviously not at all representative of variety of experiences, I found insight in the responses and thought you might too.
0 years, 3 weeks old (as articulated by his father): “The best part of this moment in my life is napping on my mamas chest. The smell of her overflowing milk ducts and the slow rise and fall of her warm belly remind me that I have everything I’ve ever wanted right now. The biggest challenge that I encounter is the pain in my stomach immediately before my life’s most satisfying accomplishment — pooping.–”
10 year old: “The best things about right now are that I love third grade and all my teachers. I feel more grown up than last year. I am given a bigger responsibility. I will get to be double digits and get my ears pierced. I love to write stories on my typewriter. I play with my friends and neighbors games like pirates and spies and school and we make a band. The hardest things about this time are having computer class, not getting to stay up as late as I want, I still have a babysitter when my parents go out on a date, your parents still have to come with you when you do fun special things with your friends.”
20 year old: “The best things about my life right now are definitely being in school and having so many paths open to me. There has never been a better time to be a woman in America, and I feel empowered by all the women around me who are motivated and goal oriented. I love learning and have discussions with my peers about our ideas for change and I have a lot of hope for the future. I am a Health, Medicine, and Society student with an emphasis in biology and a minor in Art History and I can’t wait to start working in the medical field. I am excited to start applying my interdisciplinary knowledge to improve how I provide care to my patients and advocate for healthcare reform.Unfortunately, having so many options for the future can be a double edged sword due to my propensity to feeling under-qualified and overwhelmed. There are so many things I need to take into consideration about my future and I constantly feel that I am not doing enough to build my life and stay ahead. The current political climate contributes to this feeling, with progressive adults expecting my generation to rectify the mistakes that have been made and, for lack of a better word, save the world. Everyone must take responsibility for change. We need to empathize and make an effort to understand each other or nothing will change, but anger and hatred are rampant in our political conversations and it is hard to think about my generation taking that on.”
30 year old: “The best part about this moment in my life is no longer being in my twenties 🙂 While I’m grateful for all the lessons and experiences of my twenties (including having the opportunity to live in 10 different apartments and 4 different cities, while also attending school 3 different times and having 6 different jobs), I’m excited to root more deeply into a career, calling and life path. I’m excited to feel like the best is yet to come and that I know myself much more deeply than I did 10 years ago! The most challenging thing about this moment in my life is being patient with the things that have yet to fully bloom and trusting the timing of my life. Being 30 I don’t quite feel old but I no longer feel super young and now I feel like there are more social expectations of me and what I should do with my life, which isn’t my favorite.”
40 year old: “Even more than just 3 years ago, I feel so much clearer about my purpose, my strengths and weaknesses, and how to use my skills to do my life’s work. So many of the experiences of my past and the different iterations of who I am personally and professionally, feel like they are finding a place in the work I am doing now. I feel clear about who and what matters most in my life and am able to focus my energy on the people, relationships and communities I care about. What feels most challenging to me right now is to be relied upon by so many for support. I love being a mother and supporting those I love, but often feel stretched thin and pulled in many directions. As parents are aging and requiring support and little ones still need a lot of care, it feels very difficult to find time/space for prioritizing and taking care of myself. I find it very challenging to find balance and keep everything afloat.”
50 year old: “There are many many wonderful things about this moment in my life. A few: 1. I live in the moment with my children more than I would have had I been a decade younger 2. It amazes me how little I give a shit about anyone’s opinion of me; 3. The dawning of my wisdom is electrifying. The challenges all have to do with how age manifests itself on your body. As you near half a century, it becomes a countdown of sorts. Before this, I was counting up. I assume this will only get worse. There is also an in-between feeling, and that is that I look around and many of my contemporaries seem very old to me: out of touch, aged, accepting of their advancement toward elderly status. I don’t understand them. “
60 year old: “I am LOVING this part of my life! Who knew? I am blessed to have my health, with minimal aging challenges. That does make a difference, as we all age differently. My career is at a new height. As an artist, we never really stop “working”. An artist must create, as psychologist, Rollo May, tells us. That is certainly true for me. I am always wondering “what next?” which keeps life exciting and moving forward. But it’s definitely about “soul satisfaction,” more than ever. As a performer, the voice is aging, it’s true. But I am oh so grateful for the wisdom and authority with which I can now speak/deliver. I really no longer care what others think of what I have to say or do or how I do it. I do what feels right. I am situated at a stance where my voice matters and I am aware of that. All of our voices matter, I’m just so much more abundantly aware and I am freer and freer to speak my mind. That matters. If I can truly make some difference in this world, I’d better speak up ~ and I am. Obviously, tempus fugit. The double-edged sword reveals an ending. It makes me ever-vigilant of my use of time. Spirit and Art are everything. Family and friends too. Community. But I find that the more I can devote to nourishing and administering the gifts I feel to be the greatest expression of me on this earth are what is so paramount. Many of my friends and colleagues are facing varying struggles and issues. Many are tending aging parents and shepherding them to goodbye. I support them the best I can, but it is hard to see them suffer. I greatly miss those who have gone before me, yet their presence and impact are quite palpable. When my daughter was growing up, I always welcomed each new advance in developmental stages. It was bittersweet, though, as you let go of all behind you. Savor each moment. Indeed, it goes fast. Choose wisely. Bring the best you!
70 year old “The best part about this moment in my life… is the perspective I’ve gained after 70 years of living through moments of great happiness and great sorrow. Making adjustments and keeping my balance have been key to getting through. What do I look forward to? Moments of wonder, moments of beauty, and moments of connection. What is the most challenging thing about this moment in my life? Slippage. Being aware of the passage of time and the subtle failings of the body. It is getting harder to keep up in a world driven by technology. The pace is surprisingly fast.”
80 year old “You ask what 80 is like for me. I find it a not simple question; so much of what I do and think is what I have been doing all my life. So what’s different? My main goal is to be living as full a life as I can, supporting my health both physical and emotional. With limited energy, what do I put into my days? What do I keep out? I put in healthy food and I require of myself a minimum of exercise. I don’t overdo; I used to, when it seemed necessary, but overtiring myself costs too much these days. I prize my friends. I love my old friends, who stimulate and comfort me. I have found there’s a pattern to my new friends; they grew up in other countries, speak more than one language, bring a different perspective to life than those people with whom I am most familiar. I have more habits than I used to. Perhaps this is because I have more time to dispose of, and bug myself to do things in a useful order…But my lifelong resistance to making habits seems to have eased. I begin to get that the perfect is the enemy of the good, and to do what I can even when I cannot do it all. I think about my difficult relationships with some resignation…I’d fix them if it were left up to me, but it isn’t. I’m sure that when I die, they will have unresolved feelings, and I have the impulse to warn them, but this is an impulse I control. Being a great-grandmother is wonderful, not seeing him often is difficult. I love babies…the one in my family, and the ones I see on the street…I’m surprisingly lifted when a two year old waves back to me, or an infant returns my gaze with real connection. I miss my work. I don’t need a 40-hour job, but I love the work I’m skilled at, and enjoy every chance I get to help a parent or a teacher with a plan to make life with a child better. I take more chances at connecting with people; I talk to strangers when I’m at a coffee shop, and sometimes we are of use to each other. I change my habits as I connect to the movements to support the environment. I am concerned at the future of the planet, and at the future of our country with this destructive president.”
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The common thread of connection to others came up over and over in these interviews and is such an important aspect of all stages of our life. We are who we are as individuals but we are also defined by who we love and who loves us. I have been thinking about love and connection in all of its forms: not just romantic love but also love for our friends, parents, children, grandparents, children, and community. As life keeps moving faster and faster, I feel more and more of a need to elbow in the intentional moments to connect.
In that vein, I am excited to announce my newest Pop-Up Art Night- Rings of Growth– which will take place at the Youth Art Exchange [x] Space on February 12th 7:30-9pm. You are invited to come with a loved one (partner, friend, sibling, parent, child etc.) to spend time connecting through conversation and art making. No experience necessary and all materials provided.
And if you aren’t in the Bay Area you can still get in on the action! I put together a downloadable PDF of the Rings of Growth Activity for you to do with a loved one- in your own home.
Here’s to this next year and decade and to more love and connection in the world!